“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

~ Neil Gaiman

What is the first thing you noticed in me  when you saw me for the first time ? I have asked this question to my several friends. I got  only one answer except for few exceptions.

Rest all had answered it right.. Smile .. my orthodontic smile. Fortunately or unfortunately.. I have learned it since from childhood.. I know how to smile irrespective of the situation. Fortunate because it is good thing as everyone can’t achieve that. Unfortunate because people think that I have no feelings. When I told one of close friend that I am in love, her immediate reply was .. ” you loved someone ? can harsha love someone ? “.  Many of my friends have told me several times that I have no feelings. It is true that I express less.. rather I don’t know how to express.. Believe me .. I don’t know how to cry as well.. I haven’t cried since my father’s death which is almost 9 years now.  It is very unfortunate that I have always been a stranger.. even to my dear ones. I never understood people nor did they understand me.

But I have learned one thing.. smile.. smile.. smile.. though it gives a such a false impression about the person. You will never see the pain behind the smile. That is the story of Joker.. isn’t it ? No I am not talking about The Dark Knight Joker.. I am talking about Circus Joker.

Life goes on..

Onsite has taught me many things.  I cannot explain the feeling that I get after I talk to my family and friends. Whenever I call my friends, they became so happy that it reflects in their voice. I have felt that.  I smile because of them and for them. My smile brings even more happiness.  My smile has brought a happiness in my friends. I smile for them. My smile has brought a happiness in my family. I am smile for them. My smile has brought happiness in people who have come in my life. I smile for them.

Life goes on..

PS: This post was just another attempt to puke my frustrations. Don’t bother. Don’t care.